Sob Sob - Sat 12 May

The last week has been full of emotions!  Blame being a female as it 'grounded' me for two days and I wasn't able to do any work outs.  Friday I barely made it to the gym for my Zumba class with Kylie which I love and I literally had to go into 'Robot' Mode as I was so lacking of care, energy and co-ordination!  I also forgot my HRM so I had no idea what my calorie burn was but probably no more than a tic tac.  LOL Just kidding I'm sure I did about 300 calories but no where near my usual 600+ and so that also made me feel disheartened and all I wanted to do was go home and cry!

I think back to Biggest Loser when Brenda was on there and Michelle saying to her 'why are you crying' and she just couldn't tell me and I feel a bit like this today.  I guess some of it is just that I'm upset with myself for not being more excited about going to the gym.  My get up and go has literally 'gone' and I'm upset because 'I'm better than this, I deserve better than this and today I just suck, I can't seem to follow the dance moves and get into it, I feel like I'm wasting my time and why am I not good'?  A million questions all racing through my head but I just wipe them away.

I at least JFDI!  I went, I gave it a go, I didn't come home and fall into chocolate like I had been thinking about for the past 20 minutes I just came home and logged onto facebook.

In the evening I went to my Burlesque class and even in the middle of that shed a quiet tear or two.  I also just seemed to have no energy or co-ordination for a class that I love.  I'm blaming hormones!

I convide in my facebook 12wbt buddies and of course they were very supportive - love you guys, the biggest surprise was my girlfriend who is a PT who said she was totally surprised by my outburst saying that I'm strong in character and have achieved a lot in the last twelve weeks.  I posted how this journey is about mindset as tonight I feel like I was before I started on the 12wbt and still feel like the 'fat girl'.  I literally looked in the mirror to say no you are not but it was like I was looking into nothing....

Came home to just sit on the couch and chill out without the chocolate again so I'm proud of that but still why are females so emotional at times.  No wonder men can't work us out!  If we can't work ourselfs out at times what chance do males have LOL.

So another small bump in the road for my journey but it's all good we keep moving....